Flogging a dead horse

I realise that me whinging about the kids grandparents is equivalent to flogging a dead horse.

But I truly cannot get over the fact that it appears these people DO NOT CARE about their Grandkids.

Why can't they offer to take them to the park for a few hours?
Why can't they taken them for a night?
Why can't they offer to have the kids for a weekend?
Why can't they babysit my kids without stipulations such as, "not before X time, and make sure you are home at X time:

Are my kids that much of a burden to you that you don't want to see them?

Yes, I'm emotional, and sad, I've worked all day today and I'm exhausted, and I tend to cry when I'm really tired.

I wish it was as simple as 'they are the ones who are missing out' but it's not. My bloody kids are the ones who are missing out.

I am so happy!

I heard from my best friend today, she is coming home on April 24th! She has only been gone since April last year, she moved to WA in search of the big dollars and an adventure. She found it alright and is now 6 months pregnant!
I was so devastated that I wouldn't get to see her pregnant or go and visit her in the hospital with a newborn baby.
I remember when I had Ky, I had him at 5:45am. I rang my Chloe at 8am because I was bored and needed some entertaining! She came down and spent most of the day with me, bless her cotton socks.
I'm sure this would seem so trivial to some, but I have been praying to the God that I don't believe in that she would be home so I could see her pregnant and see her with a newborn baby.
She has been my best friend since I was born, so nearly 22 years, and I couldn't imagine missing out on such a huge part of her life, when she was there for mine....
Which leaves the question.....maybe there is a God......? *grin*

Unhappy

I feel sick and desperately unhappy.
Why is it, every so ofton I have these mini melt downs.
Nothing makes sense, and everything hurts, I cannot make a simple standard decision without feeling wracked with guilt.

Just between us....

I am excited because I got a new clothesline today *woot* Finally I will have enough room to hang a few loads of washing out, two rails just wasn't cutting it. Pity it's only just in time for the bloody hot weather in Tassie to subside so I can't dry my washing! You know things are dire when you get excited over a new washing line!

But I am preparing for this winter. I have a new clotheshorse (now I have 2) and Craig is putting up some washing line string under our porch so we can dry some clothes under there. I was to use the drier as little as possible this winter. Oh Oh Oh! AND I've already had our first load of wood delivered. Now this might seem strange to you people, but for me this it pure utter organisation, usually I ring the next door neighbour and our conversationg goes like this
Me:" Could I get some wood when you have some spare time please mate?"
Neighbour: "How much do you have?"
Me: (rather sheepishly) "Two pieces"

Then he either brings us a load that day, or if he is too busy he brings us wood from his pile. He is a good neighbour. So in my effort to be organised, and get my entire life in order the wood ordering has started! I plan to order one load a fortnight, and then we shouldn't need to order any for the winter season.

I got out in the garden today, and my lovely neighbours wife came and helped me weed up the side of the house, then we went for a drive to buy some plants. She's going to help me plant them on Saturday. I can't wait to have a garden that looks nice, and a garden that I am proud of! We currently have golden zucchini's growing, so I think I will be making a lot of zucchini slice in the next few weeks. And silverbeet, honestly, what are you supposed to do with a shitload of that stuff? It's tastes atrocious, but I cook it and we eat it for no other reason than that it's good for us. *bleurgh* Our corn is nearly ready to pick, I am so looking forward to that! Our garden this year has been okay, but we haven't had a lof of variety, I can't wait for the next summer season so that we can plant up big and have a higher yield! I bought some broccoli, cauliflower and cabbage seedlings today, I'll be planting those on the weekend too I think.

Okay, well enough boring talk today! Simple things amuse simple minds

Uni starts soon

12 days until uni starts again?
Are you freakin' kidding me?
Am I ready to do this all over again?
Can I commit myself for a 13 week block?
Can I bear the immense strain the study puts on my depleting brain cells? :)
Actually I'm looking forward to it, it's good to give my brain a work out for those 26 weeks of the year............
So here comes the part where I try and get my life organised prior to semester one starting. I've enrolled in 2 subjects, and considering woolworths are all but useless in giving me any hours, let alone guaranteeing me any I am thinking about picking up another 1, maybe 2, but I don't know if I can handle full time study, it's a BIG commitment.
I still have a few days to think about it I guess.

Sometimes I feel sad

I feel sad that my kids don't have the grandparents I'd always hoped they'd had.
My kids will never have the sort of grandparents who take them away for the summer holidays. Or the type of grandparents who take them to the movies, or who rock up unannounced and take them away for the weekend, or the type who look after the kids when I work, or even the type who offer to have the kids so we can go out for a night.
Don't get me wrong, I do NOT expect anyone to look after my kids. But I can't help but feel sad when I think about the special relationship kids have with their grandparents.
I have one grandparent I can ask to have the kids, she rarely says no if we give her notice, but I never really feel as though she wants to look after the kids. PLus I don't like to ask her much because she is usually the only one we ask, and I don't want to overdo it. My Mum on the other hand will take Leeara, but not Mehki, she says she can't handle both at the same time. Sure they are a bloody handful (what kids aren't) but are they that bad she can't have them for 15 hours overnight so we can have some time to ourselves?If she thinks she can't handle them how does she think we feel? We RARELY ever get a break. She makes me sad, because she offers to take Leeara, she rocks up and takes her for a few hours, and my poor darling boisterous boy always gets left behind, and soon he will be big enough to understand this :(

To put things into more simple terms my MIL has the kids overnight once every 2-4 months, and maybe once for 3-4 hours for a day. My Mother hasn't looked after the kids overnight since November 2006, and hasn't looked after both my kids for several months now.
The other thing I hate is that if we want to go out, we are always bloody rushed into coming home. My Mum for example likes us to be as quick as possible, rush rush rush and get home and pick the monsters up, where's the bloody fun in going somewhere when you know you have a tight schedule and have to be constantly thinking 'Is it time to go yet?'
My MIL on the other hand does something similar, but doesn't really say it, just makes me feel like we should rush home the minute we open our eyes.
I will never forget the time my own Mother said to me once (via MSN) "You are always trying to fob your kids off, and you never have them anyway they are always at daycare."
Boy did that sting. I don't know why she is so hung up on how my kids are cared for, I NEVER ask her to bloody look after them.
How could I work, AND go to uni without using daycare? DO I look like a freakin' superwoman?
It's pretty bloody sad when the person you rely on most for help with your kids is your family day carer.
Oh and prime example, I asked Mum tonight to look after the kids on March 1st for the night. And after a long thought of reply got back "I'm not looking after them if you are going to town at like 9 in the morning, I will have htem if you are going at 5 or so"
-Again, don't fucking worry about it, I should have known better than to think I could rely on you....just once.

Yes, I realise I am like a dog with a bone, but I just HAD to get that off my chest.

Never again will I buy so much junk food

I am so bloody cross at myself. I went shopping 8 days ago. I tried to stock up and get a months worth of basics and staples, seeing as Craig get's paid monthly. I was hoping that I would just have to get bread/milk and fruit and veggies a couple of times before the end of the month.
Usually when I go grocery shopping I don't buy things like little packets of chips, tiny teddies, mini kit kats and all that rubbish. This time I did. Why? I have no bloody idea, except that I have been too lazy to cook our own treats, and I thought that I should buy some of those things to pack for Craig's lunch and stuff
NEVER AGAIN. Not only have I made an absolute pig of myself eating just because it is there, but Leeara asks me everytime she goes to the cupboard for rubbish and then freakin' whinges when I say no. If I hadn't bought the bloody stuff then she wouldn't be whinging and she'd be going with the only options we usually have, fruit, yoghurt, sandwiches, cheese and bikkies (savoys and cream cheese, or block cheese cut up) or homemade biscuits or something.
I'm so annoyed at myself right now. She never usually carries on, but now she's saying things like 'I never get biscuits, I never get chips, I never get chocolate' *insert angry face here*'
Then stacks on a mega nearly 4 year old tanty.
That'll bloody teach me, won't it.
I said to Craig that I buy it so I can send it to work for him, and he raised a very valid point in a very considerate fashion that went something like this 'Not being rude or anything, but I don't actually get a lot of that stuff.....' Meaning I am a big fat pig who eats it all, and let's face it, he's right! Then he promptly told me he's prefer it if I didn't buy it anyway and just cooked, he likes my homemade treats :)

I heart my son

I have just realised I am totally biased towards my son. The kid gets away with murder, SERIOUSLY!

He is the cheekiest kid, who get's into absolutely everything, he climbs on everything, steals things, and runs away with things, and bloody generally makes a monkey of himself.

It's no wonder he doesn't take me seriously when I am trying to tell him off, AND keep a straight face, his face is just too adorable to growl at, honestly, he melts my heart with his beautiful little cheeky grin.

How on earth can I love a kid who keeps me sooo busy? How do you love a child who refuses to sleep and frustrates you so much you want to glue your eyelids together, because that's the closest you are likely to come to sleep?

Being a parent can be so rewarding.

weddings/diseases and all the good stuff!

I left the computer off Monday. I was an absolute grump. It was like having nicotine withdrawels, it was honestly THAT bad. Today I turned it on. I spent maybe a total of 30 minutes on it. I am so proud of myself.
I got my tax in the mail today, somehow I managed to make -$694 last year, what a great asset I am to the family!
I got some uni stuff in the mail today, boy am I excited! I can't wait to go int the uni and pick up the book I need for nations and politics. I am seriously thinking about having a closer look at the timetable and changing to doing one day on campus. Being in campus is just so much more motivating than being stuck home on my own, distracted by the internet and housework and blah blah blah.
My son has the MOST terrible immune system, seriously the kid picks up everything, he currently has hand foot and mouth disease, not only had I not heard of it until he had it, but I have NO idea where he got it from, no one else I have heard of around here has had it, so go figure. I think I am going to take him to the naturopath and see if there is anything she can do for him.

We are thinking about getting married soon. April. Maybe. But we cannot afford a huge wedding, nor are we inclined to waste money on one day anyway. But would it be tacky to get married at a registry office and then go out for tea somwhere nice, or have a spit roast, or a BBQ afterwards? LOL. I know it's not ideal, and not most peoples cup of tea, bit honestly for me, it's more about the marriage itself than celebrating the day. I don't need or want a big white fancy dress/limo/120 guests. We have to change Craigs name first, but to do that we have a few other ID issues to sort out, but I am guessing for now it would be roughly in April.
But how on earth do I organise it? If we got married in a registry office then there wold be no wedding photos, although Craig has suggest going on a holiday in the next 12 months and getting some nice photos done overseas, but I don't know.
Thought/comments would be appreciated, especially seeing as I know I have at least ONE reader out there.... HI SJ!

]\]
It's happened again. I've started spending far to much time on the computer again. Time to start turning it off again at night, you see once it's off it's a mega pain in the arse to turn back on, and takes forever to load up. So turning it off, means I am not at all tempted to get on it.
How it's come back to this I don't know. But it HAS to stop. Sometimes I think the internet can be as bad as an addiction to cigarettes or alcohol. I could easily spend 8 hours a day on this thing. The whole time I am, I am only be half a parent too my children, ever found yourself saying 'Hang on, I'll get it in a minute, Yep I'm coming?' How many of Mehki's nap times have I wasted here, instead of doing something special with my ever inqusitive, needs lots of attention, is forever wanting to learn, but truly most precious daughter? I am nearly crying just thinking about it. One of my downfalls as a parent is that sometimes I am reluctant to put their needs before mine. Selfish, selfish, selfish.
I've done my uni enrolment, uni starts at the end of Feb, I am working all over the show, (the joys of being a freakin' call in! GRR!) My garden needs to be desperately attended too, AND I've stopped exercising, my physcal body is suffering, I can literally hear my body groaning 'I am so calling the union, this extra 20 kilos was NOT in our contract dammit!) TO make matters worse I found two pics the other day in my computer drawer that Craig had taken of me pre Leeara. You can see my curves, but DAMN I had a good body, why didn't I appreciate what I had then? I guess you never do really, it's not until something is gone that you will truly appreciate what you did have.
And that all comes back to making the most of your children, before i know it, Little Miss will be 4, I will be 22, then it will be easter, uni exams and first semester will be over. During that time I am hoping to be pregnant again, then second semester will be here, Mehki's second birthday, more exams, another baby to be born in there somewhere, and then Christmas again. This year is going to fly by, and I know that I am not going to remember all those hours I spent fruitlessly trying to better myself by reading internet drivel. But I WILL remember spending time with the kids, teaching the things, laughing with them, being tickled by them and tickling them, I will remember all the precious snuggles my son gives me, the noises he makes in place of words, I will remember the funny antics of my daughter who has totally inherited her Fathers sense of humour. I will remember those things, because *they* are what's important.

For everyone in thise house's sake I HAVE to be organised. I need to keep myself a routine with both exercising, uni, and housework and most importantly the kids.
My new rule is now going to be, no computer when the kids are home, and no computer until they are in bed. Fancy me being so selfish to have this time wasting machine on when my kids are only home for 3 days a week? The other 4 they are at daycare until 3:30, so I have those days to myself which I waste away doing nothing productive and then still stay on here when they get home. I spend more time reading how to be a better person and parent, than I do putting these things into practice! How simple is it really? Turn off computer=automatically a better parent.
I must get to bed at a decent hour tonight, the puter is going off tonight until tomorrow night at the very least, maybe it should stay off even longer really, because I have been neglecting Craig a bit.