It's been a while

I just realised that I haven't taken my anti depressant for 2 days.

Now I feel nervous, and worried.. I'm sure I'll be fine, I'll get back to taking it in the morning.

So it's been a while since I've updated. A few times I've came here, and had a complete mental blank about what to write. This could be a good thing, it means that I have nothing on my mind, and that I am obviously coping with whatever is going on on any particular day.

I've known for a few weeks that I'm pregnant again. We'd been trying for a while, but I honestly didn't think that it would happen when it did. I feel guilty, to say the least, it's bad bad timing that's for sure. I feel apprehensive. I feel like a big phony.

But I am excited, and I've been thinking a lot about something someone said to me 'Maybe this baby was sent to save you'

And well, maybe they're right :O) I'll be 8 weeks tomorrow, and due 9/2/09

Feeling a bit better

So yesterday I felt hopeful. I could see some light at the end of the tunnel. For the first time in ages I didn't feel like Iresented my kids. I didn't dread the thought of having to make them breakfast. My patience seems to have expanded, don't get me wrong there is still miles of room for improvement, but this is surely a hopeful sign.
My head doesn't feel so jumbled, I can process my thoughts logically, and I don't feel so bogged down.

I'm not cut out for this

I feel so blah.
I cannot get motivated.
My son is annoyingly naughty. He keeps getting into the fridge and getting things out, he just gets into everything, truth be told, he is driving me fucking crazy. He keeps climbing out of his cot when he is damn tired and needs a sleep. He keeps biting his sister, hitting his sister and annoying her.
My house is trashed, it's almost all back together, but the task of cleaning it up and putting it back into order is such a huge task I'm overwhelmed and can't do it.
Both kids have been sick for the past 3 days. I'm running on little sleep, so I'm tired, and grumpy, and angry, and unmotivated and generally feeling so very blah.
I haven't gotten dressed for 3 days, I just shower and put my jammies back on.
It's raining and windy and miserable outside.
The cartoons finish soon, and the prospect of having to entertain Leeara is not a good one.
Yes I am a terrible Mum. I'm not cut out for this life.